oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
