just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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