Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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