I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
