I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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