and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
