Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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