I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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