I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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