Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
