so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
