i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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