he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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