Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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