the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future