you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.