I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.