apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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