i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize