He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here