someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
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fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool