I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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