Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
