Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
