Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
