it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
