We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
