she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
