I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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