1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
