Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
