I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize