I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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