now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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