I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
