Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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