none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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