i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
