i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
