I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
