I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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