I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
