he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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