apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
