ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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