My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
