I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
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I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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