4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
