the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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