It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
