Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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