I'm so fucking centered right now
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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