dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
