I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
