I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
