like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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