Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
