I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
