i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So. Much. Porn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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