wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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