he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
