If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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