we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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