I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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