Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
