I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
