too bad you live with your parents still
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
