well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
