So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize