I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
