he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
