just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
