Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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