i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
